So I've been reading articles left and right, mostly from younger men, about how chivalry is dead and nice guys finish last.
These are sentiments that aren't quite new. People have been saying these things since before I was born. To put it into perspective, I just turned 30. I am unmarried and unattached, so I am still out there in the savage wasteland that is the dating circuit. I stand side-by-side with these poor "nice guys" and "chivalrous heroes" who claim to be getting screwed by the new dating culture of fast hook-ups, even faster break-ups, and where the asshole rules as King.
Being a nice guy and a firm believer in Chivalry, I have to admit that I spent a lot of my teenage years(and maybe even well into my early twenties) believing those same ideas, but I now have to make a stand and say, with great confidence, that Chivalry is alive and kicking and you don't have to be an asshole to get ahead.
Many complain that today, relationships are way too shallow and nobody is taking any time to get to know anybody, anymore, before hooking up. I won't argue that this is happening, but so are other things. I submit that if you want a hammer, you will go to a hardware store. If you want a steak, you'll probably go to a butcher or a grocery store. By the same token, if you want a deep relationship with someone mature who wants to take the time to get to know you, but you spend your nights in bars and nightclubs...you're looking for a steak in a hardware store. If all you see around you is immature people hooking up and you don't like it, that happens to be the nature of your circle of friends. Get new friends. Grow up. Surround yourself with grown-ups.
"I treated this girl like a princess and she friendzoned me...she's now banging some asshole."
That's the same sad story I hear over and over again from sad saps, the world over. This is a case of Chivalry totally going over some girl's head and the "nice guy" finishing last.
Or is it?
She's not a princess. She's a woman. Treat her like one. You'll probably get further.
I'm not saying let her pay for all the meals and to stop pulling chairs out for her or opening doors for her. Be a gentleman, but be a man, too. Stop giving her every little thing she asks for. If she says it's cold, don't run into a store and buy her a parka. If she comments on how she's craving ice cream, don't rush to her door with a gallon of homemade chocolate ice cream you made yourself. You're overdoing it and you're making it awkward.
Some people mistake assholes as strong, direct men who get things done, when they are, in fact, just asshole bullies. The same shallow-minded presumptions mistake kindness for weakness. This is to blame for the epidemic of assholes getting everything they want since, ummm.....the beginning of time.
The truth is: You can display these values without being a jerk.
You can be direct. You can be strong. You can be a man who gets things done. You can be all these things and more without walking all over people.
By the exact same token, You can be a nice guy without finishing last. Nice guys don't finish last...weak guys do. Some guys think that letting people walk all over them is being nice. It isn't. It's just weakness. Why would anyone look up to that? Would you?
After the time I've spent in this life, all I really have to say to guys complaining about the world is: It's not The World. It's you. Grow up. Be a man.
Be honest and direct. Be Strong. Set goals and achieve them. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Keep your promises. Be kind.
Surround yourself with men and women who value these traits, because trust me, anyone who sees you being all these things and doesn't think you're the shit...is just a girl...just a boy.
Do all those things and then try to tell me you're not proud to be chivalrous and nice. Try to tell me you didn't find a good woman. Try to tell me Chivalry is dead and nice guys finish last.